More Time Than I Thought.

Well it turns out that I do have time to get on here. lol I've run into these times where I can't do homework because I don't have the right programs on my computer to do it on, but I have enough time to post! I have to do all my homework at school.

Anyway, I've had 556 calories today and that has been spread out all day long and I've not been hungry all day long. lol Keeps me from binging if I'm not hungry. I've had hummus on toast(95) and orange juice(110) we need to get new orange juice. This kind has too many calories a cup. I had almonds(161) as a snack between breakfast and lunch. I had a full caesar salad at lunch(130) and I just had broccoli and hummus(60). I think I'm finished eating today. I like the number of calories I've had and I work tonight so it will be easy peasy to eat anymore. If I do eat again, it will be more broccoli hummus.

Oh! and I just have to say, that tastes amazing! It's only 60 calories for 3 oz of broccoli and 2 tablespoons of hummus. I never though about eating hummus with anything, but bread or chip like stuff. Broccoli is good with it though and it fills you up. Everyone should try it. I'm sure other vegetables with hummus would be equally as good, if you don't like broccoli.

Good News.

I wasn't going to post anything for a while, but I got up this morning and weighed myself. So I made time to tell you guys. lol I now weigh 135.6. Even though I can't see this progress, I'm still pretty excited to see the number.

Have a good day everyone!

Homework.

For the next few day's I may not be able to get on here much because of homework, so I'm going to do this quick update and get as many comments in today as possible.

I gained a little over the past week. I now weigh 137.6. However, by this weekend I plan to be at 135.6 at least. I'm fasting today and tomorrow I'll be back on track. All the Thanksgiving food is either to old to eat now or gone. So it will just be healthy foods for me.

My Microcomputer Applications class is killing me. I have a Powerpoint due Wednesday, a take home test due Friday, and Access tutorial's 2-5 due Monday. I also have a Chemistry and Lifespan Development test Friday. On Top of working 4-9 everyday until Thursday.

I'm a little stressed. Maybe me being constantly busy all week will help me not eat and lose weight.

Anyway, I hope you guys are doing great and those of you who did have Thanksgiving didn't let it ruin your progress.

Oh and Christina I AM getting close to that 135 mark and I am very excited about it. I hate that it's been put off because of stupid Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Craziness.

After I woke up this morning I weighed myself. I hadn't lost as much as I thought I would have, but I guess I should be thankful I didn't stay the same or gain. I weigh 136.4 lbs. now.

So the next few days are going to be hectic. My boyfriend will be in town around 12:30, I have to go to work at 4, and Right after work I'm heading to my Dads. I have to be completely ready to go out and packed by 12 so I can hang out with the boyfriend until I go to work. Then I go to pick up my brother so we can drive an hour and 45 minutes to get to my Dads.

Tomorrow I have to get up and be completely packed and ready to go by 11:30 so I can be at my Nana's Thanksgiving by 12. Then leave to drive that hour and 45 minute drive to come back home about 1:30 or 2 to be back in time for my Granny's Thanksgiving by 4.

I won't be getting any rest for a WHILE. lol

I'm not eating after 4 again today and I probably won't eat again until my Nana's Thanksgiving tomorrow. Maybe that will help with Not gaining weight back this week. 

Happy Thanksgiving you guys! I don't know when I'll have time to get back on here for the next few days. So Lot's of weight loss for you all through the holiday!

Some thinspo.

Proof.

After my boyfriend went to work today, I decided to take this spare free time to get on here and make some comment and maybe a new post. However, when I started up the computer something was opened. It was written in word like a journal. I wasn't going to read it but the words "fat" and "women" caught my eye. I began to read it and my self worth started declining to almost nothing. I had eaten two eggs this morning with a biscuit. Not just the white but the whole two eggs with a jumbo buttery biscuit. I had eaten all of it and felt full after. I feel like shit. You'll understand after you read it..

"I'm sitting here at Hastings, studying/people-watching. I live in a peculiar time. As a man, I notice women, naturally, but what I find disheartening is the constant obesity that has been wandering through this time and space. I feel like a real woman should know how to take care of herself, to uphold the blessings of being a human, not to be a cow. Not only here, I see this through my daily life. At school. The women working behind gas stations are typically fat. I'm not trying to state the obvious or be rude, but no one says anything about it. No one cares. No one cares about the obese. The obese don't care about themselves. Maybe being a larger size just makes you more noticeable." 

I know he was talking about the actual women out there who have a BMI of over 30. I just keep reading that third sentence over and over, though. I just keep thinking about why I had to split that second egg and why I had to eat that whole biscuit. I didn't. At the time I was thinking "Alright. I'm drinking diet coke so I'll get fuller faster." That obviously didn't work.

I'm trying harder from now on. I now have hard evidence that eating a lot and being "a cow" does bother the opposite sex and this will be my motivation. 

Finally A Break.

I don't have to go to classes for a whole week! I'm so excited. No getting up early. No tests to study for. Nothing.. Well a little. lol I have a little homework I have to do and a take home test.. But it shouldn't be too hard. =)

I'm going to see my boyfriend tonight again. He's sick and needs babying. lol I miss him like crazy the first few days I don't see him.

This morning I woke up and weighed myself. I'm at 137 even now. I haven't been sticking to my plan, but I'm still losing. So I'm okay with that. I've started not eating after 4pm and I'm drinking a lot of liquids. If I can lose two pounds a week I'll be down to 125 by New Years. I'm pretty excited about that.

The current battle is Thanksgiving.. I have two I have to attend.. I'm thinking maybe a fast the day before.. but then I might be more inclined to binge.. I haven't decided anything yet.

Some thinspo.

I Missed This Feeling.

I got up this morning to officially see how much I've lost this week. I weighed 137.6.  I was so surprised. This being sick thing has it's pro's and con's. Anyway, I have to get ready to see my boyfriend, but I'll update this and make my comments later tonight after I get off work. =)

Two Weeks Straight.

I have been sick for like 2 weeks straight. With two separate things! About 2 1/2 weeks ago my throat started hurting. Well a few days went by and my little hurt turned into a sharp pain every time I swallowed or talked and especially when I yawned. =( So I went to the doctor the doctor last Tuesday and they gave me some antibiotics. I took all of them on the days it told me to and when I was finished with them my throat still hurt a little when I swallowed. The next day my nose started getting stuffy and I started sneezing. Next thing I knew my nose was completely closed and I could breathe out of it and I started coughing which made my throat hurt again. lol

I am completely tired of being sick, but I don't have an appetite now. I don't feel like I'm hungry and I'm not craving anything. It's been like this for about a day and a half now and although I feel sick to my stomach. I think I like it.

I woke up this morning and weighed myself. I'm finally back in the 30's. I weighed 138.8 this morning. I love that. That's exactly two pounds that I've lost and I still have two more days of this week to lose more. 

I'll comment on your blogs when I get back from the doctor today. =)

Some thinspo.

Thin.

When I was a junior in High School, my brother and I had gotten into a big fight over something stupid. He's 2 1/2 years younger than me, so we fought a lot through out our lives. However, what separate this fight from all the other previous ones was my mom's boyfriend had just recently started staying over at our house a lot and with him came his dog. His dog was super sexist and hated women, with the exception of my mom. He would always growl at me when I got to close, but he'd never bite or even just snap. Well during this fight neither my mom or mom's boyfriend was home. It was just me, my brother, and the dog. So my brother is a big boy. He stands about 6ft tall 250lbs. He's a big boy. He's not super fat, although he does have quite a bit of extra baggage, but most of his weight that goes over his ideal weight is muscle. Also, at this time I was about 5'6 and 125 in these really short pajama shorts. A huge difference from him. So here we are. In each others faces screaming, yelling, cursing each other to bits. The dog comes up and starts barking at us. I pay no mind to this. I just keep yelling. Then all of a sudden his barking stops and my brothers yelling stops and my mid thigh is throbbing. The dog had bit me. This is a bigger dog. About the size of a small to average lab. Bit me. My brothers face fills with rage. But not towards me anymore. Towards the dog. I don't care about the dog though. I don't care about the issue my brother and I were fighting over ither. Nor the pain throbbing in my thigh. Just that the bite looked so small compared to my leg. The blood was slowly trickling down my leg and the blood lines were just not big enough. My brother picks me up and carries me to my bed and gets me a rag to put pressure on it. But the whole time I couldn't think about the pain. I couldn't think about the dog. I could only think of how to position my leg so it'd look it's smallest. I couldn't have my over weight to obese family looking at my leg and thinking it was too big.

I can't remember a time after the 6th grade that I was okay with my body. I can't remember a time that I looked in the mirror and said that's good enough. I can't be happy with this body.

I didn't weigh myself this morning, but I will tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can will be somewhere within 139. 

Replies:

Christina and A.beautiful.mess thank you for always commenting on my blog. I appreciate you guys so much. ^_^

HxX well the ana diet does the zig zag too but it's just too restrictive for me. Eating that little will slow your metabolism down to nothing and when I get to my goal weight I want to start eating healthy and stay thin and fit. Thanks for your comment. =)

9 Hour Work Shift.

So I'm fasting today. This will be my first fast since I've been back. I also figured up a guide to go by. I took the amount of calories I need to maintain this 141pounds (1738) multiplied it by 10 and subtracted 7000 calories from it, because there are 7000 calories in 2 pounds of fat. I then divided that number by seven to get on average how many calories a day I should have to lose 2 pounds a week (738). But if I consistently eat the same about of food everyday, my body will get used to it. So I need up and down days. So today I am fasting. I took the calories I would have had today and put half of them on tomorrows calories and the other half on Thursday. So every two days I have an up. It looks like this. lol

Sunday - Fast
Monday - 1107
Tuesday - 738
Wednesday - 738
Thursday - 1107
Friday - 738
Saturday - 738

I feel like that's a good plan. Each week I will find out my new amount of calories and make a new plan like this. Next week should look like this.

Sunday - Fast
Monday - 1090
Tuesday - 727
Wednesday - 727
Thursday - 1091
Friday - 727
Saturday - 727

It's not much of a decrease, but is enough to continue the 2 pounds a week. I'm kind of disappointed in myself for not thinking of this earlier. However, the only flaw in the plan is how to get back to the "maintain" level of calories for my goal weight when I get there without gaining. On this plan though I should be there by the fourth week in January. I am not taking diet pill or laxatives. When I work I won't add the calories I burn to the calories I can eat. However, if I exercise then I will, but only for that day. So if I exercise after 7 then I won't add them because I don't eat after 7.

Anyway, Some thinspo.

I'm Back.

I've very sorry for my absence, but I'm back now!

My internet was out for a while and in that while I spiraled out of control. So when the internet came back, I was too ashamed to get back on here and admit my shame. Since then I've been eating normally. Not restricting, not healthy yet not unhealthy. I can't deal with this anymore though. I have to keep losing and I need you guys to help me.

I hadn't weighed myself since my last post, but recently I've scored a throat infection! Yay me! This thing sucks. It even hurts to talk. Well I went to the doctor Tuesday. I was anxious the whole time. The first thing they do after they call your name is take you to this huge absolutely precise scale and weigh you. Well, they called my name and I stepped on the scale. I had eaten that morning, I had a cup of hot chocolate milk and some oats. I had all my clothes on. I was terrified. I was expecting 150 again. I was going to be crushed, but maybe that what I needed. Maybe I needed an extra shove. The woman see's in the charts that the last time I was there I weighed 156lbs. so as I'm stepping on she already moving it to 150 to find out where exactly in that 150 range I was. However 150 was too much, she had to bring it back down to the 40's. Instant relief rushed over me, but it still wasn't over. 149 isn't any better than 150. She slowly start moving it down the scale 149, 148, 147, 146. It starts stabilizing but it's not there yet. She stops at 144. 144. After eating, with clothes on it's at 144. Not good, but not near as bad as I'd thought.

I was still too ashamed to face you. I said I'd lose it in a week and come back. I needed to know my real weight though. I needed to know my weight without clothes. So I convinced myself weigh in this afternoon. I've eaten a big bowl of whole grain multibran flax cereal, coffee, and a can of soup. I weighed in at 140.8. That's .6lbs more than my last weigh in.

This whole time that I've been too ashamed to face you guys. I've been close to the same weight as I was.

Anyway, I'm back. The other parts of my life are going great. I have A's in college, I'm getting along with my family, and my boyfriend and I are doing amazingly.

Some well over due thinspo.