So Close!

Okay this "so close" applies to two things.

1. I Technically didn't get through my fast yesterday. =/ I went to see my boyfriend(which I'll tell you guys about when I have more time later.) and he bought me spring rolls! >.< I was able to hold off at first but then his friend told him I didn't eat at lunch and then my stomach started rumbling.. Anyway I ate some. BUT I really and truly had gone a full 26 hours without eating… Soo.. I kind of did finish a fast. lol

2. I weighed myself this morning….. I weigh… 140.8! lol I honestly didn't think I'd make it. But I'm Sure I can lose .8 pounds by tomorrow. I'm kind of really excited.

Anyway, I need to get ready for my class today. I'll update later for real this time. Going to see the boyfriend was spur of the moment yesterday.

Okay, so I hurried to get ready and chanced getting a ticket by speeding to get to class(25 minutes) just to have class cancelled..

Anyway, So yesterday was pretty amazing. My boyfriends best friend goes to the same college as I do and his girlfriend goes to the same college as my boyfriend. So since his best friend and I go to the same college we usually eat lunch together every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So here we were just eating lunch and talking and he mentions it's his girlfriends birthday today and that he's going to see her(she and my boyfriend live about an hour away). Then he offers to take me and drop me off so I can see my boyfriend. Haha I was like that's no amazing to pass up. lol So although it was a fasting day I still went to see him. We took a long walk, just chilled for a bit then watched a movie. It doesn't sound amazing, but I just love to be around him so much.

Anyway, I'm going to eat as often as possible but as little as possible today. I plan on keeping my metabolism going all day, but only to take in about 450 calories today.

I started off the morning with an egg(70), toast(60), and coffee(10). I wanted a decent sized breakfast to start it up. lol I have 310 calories left. I'm feeling a salad soon. I might get a whole one(120) again and split it up into two meals like I did the other day. Then I'll have my granola bars(190) and I'll eat them a few hours apart too. So I'll be having 450 calories split into 5 meals. I think that sound good. My last meal will be at 5. I hate eating really close to the time I'll be heading to bed. Food just sits on your stomach all night when you do that. So I'll eat at 12, 1:30, 3, and 4:30.

Maybe I can stick to that.

Thank you Kes and Fat Piggy for your comments. I'm so excited to be in the 140 range.

The thinspiration of the day.

A Day of Fasting.

I weighed myself this morning and the scale said 142.4. Lol Finally. But after this fast I should be able to get down to 140 but Friday. I hope. Lol

I quit eating yesterday about 3:45. I drank a 16oz drink that was 25 calories and I'm drinking another one now. I'll get a green tea in a bit. Idk how many calories are in that one. It's out of the vending machine here at my college.

I'll update this later today. ^_^

A Pitiful Lie.

So I got up this morning and weighed myself. I lost .4 pounds. That's not enough. I want to be 140 by Friday. I go to see my boyfriend that day. So I Need to be 140 by then. I weigh 142.8.. so it should be possible.

He made the comment last night that he loves every part of my body. I know he was just lying to make me feel better though. He accidentally insulted me. Well.. Let me just tell you the story.

I was looking at Halloween costumes and I said the Harley Quinn one was an option. His response to that was, "Baby, your boobs won't fill that suit up. It will be baggy." My thoughts: You know.. I know the various sizes of my body.. Better than anyone really. I look at this blob of a body every fucking day, Multiple times! My response, "I know how big or small I am in all the areas of my body! I know I have small boobs. I know I have thunder thighs the size of Texas, Each! I know what looks bad on my body. I don't need people telling me what I shouldn't wear." That's when he apologized, "Baby, you don't have thunder thighs. I love every part of your body." Yeah… He knew he messed up and just wanted to make me feel better.

Anyway, I started looking up starvation mode this morning and it got me scared of decreasing the speed of my already slow metabolism… I'm so stupid. I ate a half bowl of honey nut cheerios with skim milk and half a no bake chocolate cookie for breakfast with a full glass of cranberry juice(half juice, half water). I have no clue how many calories I consumed.

For lunch I decided to get a salad. I usually get a half salad(60), but I decided against the parfait so I got a full salad(120). I've eaten half of it with a diet coke and I'm full. I'll eat the other half just before work. Then on break I'll have a green tea(120) and if I'm super hungry I'll have my granola bars(190).

I am fasting tomorrow. Only coffee(skim milk and splenda only), green tea, juice(watered down half and half), and diet soda are allowed.

HeatherMB: Thanks. I really hope so. My recent weight loss has been slow..

Christina: Haha you're welcome. Yeah I try to keep it under 700 but sometimes I go over. Thanks. I got that for my 18th birthday. =)

William: Don't ever worry about your comments being too long on my blog. =)

Run: Haha I Very much doubt I'm smaller than you. You also have to remember I carry my weight in my hips, thighs, and butt. lol And those pictures I don't have the guts to post. Yeah I felt like shit after that lady said that to me..

The thinspiration of the day.

The Box.

So I got up this morning and weighed myself. I'm feeling all nervous yet hopeful that I'm below 142.4. No. I'm not I Knew my dads scale was full of crap! There was no way I'd lost That much weight over night. >.< I really weigh 143.2. So then I started putting it back in it's box(I have kid cousins living with us and I don't want it to get messed up. So I keep it in it's box, in my room) and the picture of the scale on the box said 135.2....... It was teasing me. Haha you're so fat, you aren't even skinnier than the average number we put on the box! Whatever. Let them have that number. I'll be lower one day and I'll laugh at the number 135.2.

Anyway I had an egg, toast, and coffee this morning. 140 calories.

I'll update this later before work.

Okay. So my calorie intake is at 330( I ate a salad and parfait for lunch) and it's almost 1pm. I'll have granola bars(190) for break/supper with a glass of snapple green tea(120) and end my day with a total intake of 640 calories. =)

Run, Karolina, and Kes: I know! I hate not being able to see the changes!! And a lady I work with a few days ago made the comment that she would think that I would be skinnier since I've been a vegetarian for 3 years……. Thanks for that lady. lol

William: No. I know EXACTLY what you mean and I feel awful for thinking that too, but it's Their Fault! I tell them all the time what's bad for them and what good. Haha most days I give little nutrition lessons in the middle of conversations, hoping one day it will stick enough for them to try to start being healthy.. But it doesn't.. I just know they are cutting their life so short by consuming all that horribly unhealthy food and teaching the kids to do the same. They are all going to get type 2 diabetes, heart disease, or have a stroke and die. They don't see it like that though. I don't know what to do..

A.beautiful.mess: I usually see my siblings that live away from me once a month, but this time I went about 2 so it was overdue to see them. The boy drama is over with now. I really thought we were about to be over but everything turned out okay. Ugh.. My scale said I gained a pound! =/ But I might not have even been that pound lighter because I was using my dads scale when I weighed myself.

Thank you all for your comments! You guys make my day! =)

The thinspiration of the day.

I would kill for legs like that..

Oh! and I've decided to start doing weekly pictures so maybe I'll be able to see a difference. Here are my first two.

P.S. I'll start doing leg pictures when my legs aren't so Huge. I'm embarrassed of them at the moment. =/

Just Another Day.

I didn't get a chance to weigh myself this morning before I ate. I don't feel like I look any skinnier. This is so stupid! The scale says the numbers are dropping, which is good don't get me wrong, but I still look like I weigh 155!! My arms are still huge, I still have thunder thighs, and my hips are still as wide as Texas! When will I start Seeing results. I want them so badly.

Alwell.. Anyway I ate and egg(60) with toast and jam(70) and coffee(10) for breakfast. I'm eating a veggie wrap with sweet vinegar and olive oil dressing and no cheese(219). I'll be drinking green tea for the whole day and I'll have Natures Valley granola bar with a Snapple green tea(310) later for supper/break. I should be ending the day with 669 calories today.

I'll weigh in tomorrow update any changes.

Oh! and I just want to thank every one for their comments and support. I'm able to do this and stick to it because of you guys.

molly-sauras-rex: I used to not weigh myself all the time. I'd hold off to every other morning or even every morning but here lately I've been weighing myself every morning and every night. I didn't get a chance to this morning but I'm itching to go in there and weigh myself. I just don't want to see the after eating number. lol I think I will start trying those before and after pictures though! =) I didn't even think about that. lol

The thinspiration of the day.

Update:

So I've gone over what I said I was going to by 90 calories. I ate a half of a cheese sandwich and a coffee right now, so I can stay up to study. 759 isn't too bad.

It Doesn't Seem Believable.

Oh! just to start off, lol my sister just called me and guilt tripped me pretty much. Haha I have two sisters, 5 and 11 years old, and the 5 year old was like "Sissy, when are you coming to visit us?... I miss you sissy." lol It broke my heart. In despite of me having to work today, I went to see them yesterday and I'll be leaving to go to work around 1:30. My parents are divorced and remarried. My Dad has been remarried twice, so I have a lot of siblings. I'm the eldest, but my oldest brother and my youngest brother live with my Mom and step-dad. Then my two sisters live with my Dad and step-mom and I have another brother from my Dad's second marriage and he lives with his grandparents. Like Me! =)

Anyway.. Now that you guys know my life story. lol

I got on the scale about 10 minutes ago and I saw a number that doesn't seem quite believable. It tells me the same thing everytime I get on it though. Yesterday after I ate it said 148 and I was like well I just ate and I have clothes on, so lets wait until just before bed. Well I didn't eat after about 7 and I weighed myself without clothes and it said 145. I just stepped off that thing and it said 142.4 with out clothes on. I don't know if that's true or not. It's saying the same thing every time though and usually when one is broken or something it says different things.

Actually.. I've given it a few minutes I'm going to go weigh myself again and then I'll tell you if it says the same thing so I'll know for sure if I've really lost that much. It said 142.4 again. lol I guess that's what I weigh now. I'm happy that I lost, but I'm not seeing any change on my body.. I'm kind of bumbed.. I thought I'd feel a little bit better about my body by now.

Alwell.. The thinspiration of the day.

God.. I want those legs so bad..

Going to See Dad.

My little sister called the other day and broke my heart so I'm going to my Dads for a night. I have to work tomorrow but I can come back and make it I think.

I ate an egg, toast, and coffee(130) this morning and for lunch I had a diet coke and a 1/4 of a salad(about 35). That lady put Way too much dressing on it so I just couldn't eat it. I ate 4 crackers(45) to tide me over. I just ate some soup(140). So I won't be eating when I get to my Dads.

I haven't weighed myself today, but I will tomorrow morning and update my weight.

Haha I made my boyfriend spend like 2 hours yesterday searching stores for a cute purse and make up bag. We finally found one. I'll put pictures up of it sometime. Oh and my new wallet too.

I'm going to go do a few comments and then go pack.

The thinspiration of the day.

Okay Guys.

So I have never in my life been able to complete a fast of a whole 24 hours.. But I did yesterday. I weighed myself last night and was slightly disappointed because I had only lost .2 pounds all day.. However, the magical wonders of the fast showed it's true colors this morning when I stepped on the scale and the Wonderful number 144.4 popped up! I'm so excited. I weigh 144.4.. I haven't been this low in over a year. Oh! and that's another big marker I hit before schedule. I was guessing I'd be 145 by October 12th and now I think I'll be around 139.

I'm more worried about what I eat this morning than usual. I've eaten a small bowl of honey nut cheerios with milk(170). I already feel like that's is way over what it should be. I was thinking of maybe some pineapple, but I'll be okay without it. I really don't want to gain any weight back today.

Oh! and I'm getting to see my boyfriend today! That kind of completely ruins my two weeks to make him notice thing, but I'd much rather just see him. I am doing this for him after all!

Last night we kind of had a fight.. Well ish. We were talking on the phone and he was playing games and he was kind of being apathetic towards everything, but that damn Yu-Gi-Oh game! (I know, I know he is 20 years old about to be 21 and him and his friends collect this shit) Well he eventually said that he didn't want to talk on the phone. So I just said "Fine then. Bye." and we hung up. Well I was so mad I texted him a mean text and told him that he didn't think I was important enough and he is getting meaner and meaner by the day etc.. Well he calls me back and I'm already in tears. Last night he said we fight a lot and he's getting tired of it and tonight he's saying he doesn't want to talk to me. So I'm thinking he's not happy with me and that he wants out, pretty much. Well he explained to me that he had spent over an hour in the library doing homework and he was mentally drained. So when he called he only wanted to call and see how my day was and then tell me goodnight. lol So everything ended up working out okay. He said he was absolutely happy with me and sometimes he just doesn't feel like talking. So all of this was caused by me overreacting again. lol But I've never been with someone for as long as I have been with him and been as over all happy with the relationship as I am with him.

Anyway.. Everything is fixed, better, or smaller today. So you guys have an amazing day! I hope I will and here is the thinspiration of the day. =)

Going Great!

So I have not had a single piece of food all day! I'm so proud of myself. I have never been able to get this far into a fast without messing up. I have had calories today but it was just from my coffee this morning, which is only 10 calories.

Alllsssooo…. I just weighed myself and I now weight 146.2! I'm really excited about that too. I am in the middle of a fast though so I don't know if I will stay that way and I'm not going to get my hopes up, but it's still just really exciting to see the number on the scale go down again. I'm so close to 145 it makes me so happy and impatient because I want to see that number Now, you know? Oh!! and I looked at my scheduled plan of how much weight I was going to lose by when and I'm so far ahead of my scheduled weight right now! I had planned on being 145 by October 12th and I should be that weight by the end of this week!

Oh! I don't remember if I told you this, but my boyfriend lives an hour away(he recently moved there to go to college) and so I don't get to see him except for the weekends. However, he is going with his dad to a car show this weekend and I'm not going to be able to see him for 2 weeks.. Well like a week and a half now, but you get the idea. So maybe I can lose enough to make him notice! My heart would jump and that would make my whole next week!

I'm not really seeing a change anywhere but my stomach.. but I'm not going to let that get to me!

Anyway, I still haven't decided on Halloween costumes yet, but here are some ideas.

But I don't know that I'll be comfortable enough in any of these to actually wear them

Anyway, the thinspiration of the day.

Messed Up Internet.

I'm very sorry, everyone, my internet has been down since like 9 last night. It drove me absolutely crazy. It's back now though! So I will comment on everyones blog as soon as I'm finished with this post! =)

So last night I ended my day with 760 calories yesterday because I ate low calorie soup instead of the granola bar. ^_^

Today I had an egg and a piece of toast with butter(125) with coffee(10) and for lunch I had half a veggie wrap(175). I'll have Nature Valley Granola bars(190) for a snack and the other half of the wrap for supper(175). Leaving me with 675 total calories for today.

My stomach is burning again. I think I have ulcers in my stomach.

This morning I weighed in.. I gained .4 pounds.. I weigh 147.4.. I'm going to have my snack at 2pm and my supper 4:30. After 5pm I'm not eating anything else and I'll only drink water. I felt like crap when I weighed in this morning. I feel so fat constantly and I saw my best friend today and she was wearing a baggy t-shirt and Still looked tiny. I lose weight from my stomach and I have a huge butt, so really it just looks like my butt is getting bigger rather than my stomach getting smaller..

The thinspiration of the day. One day I will look like her.. Just not today.

Update:

I'm such an idiot! I mean a hard core idiot. I was doing fine earlier. Fine. I ate the other half of my wrap and was fine. I started to get hungry but I KNEW it was just because I was thirsty, so I made myself a green tea with splenda………. My Fucking Aunt Starts Baking Cupcakes.. Really? My first day off work since Thursday and you chose Today to make cupcakes?! I'm avoiding them and avoiding them and this lasted for about an hour. Now I'm bored, hungry and craving those chocolate cupcakes across the room.(Mind you I have already gain today). So I decide to help because I'm bored… Needless to say I ate some of the icing.. then a few chips with cheese dip.. then 3 bites of spaghetti.. and a small piece of garlic bread… If it weren't for those damn cupcakes my downward spiral wouldn't have even began.. I don't know how many calories any of it ends up being but I took another laxative and I think I'm going to take just a little bit more because I ate so much. >.<

I'm fasting tomorrow. Well I'm starting now but it ends tomorrow when I go to sleep. Only water, green tea, coffee, and juice(watered down) are allowed tomorrow. All this food is getting out of my system.

Off and On.

So today has been good and bad. It's been switching back and forth all day. Things are just getting to me today, but I think it's from my lack of sleep. lol Thankfully though, I haven't binged or even eaten too unhealthily. 

This morning I had two pieces of toast with sugar free jam(115) and coffee(10). For lunch I had a greek salad(about 450). I'm still debating on my usually granola bar later for break, but I'll have a green tea later. So all in all I'll be eating ither 695 calories or 885.. I feel like that second number is so high.

Also, I've been thinking about Halloween. I'm a cow right now and so all of those skimpy outfits I'm just saying no to. However, if I lose 2 pounds a week then by Halloween I'll be 135. I think I might be comfortable is a moderately skimpy outfit by then. I'm considering a few.. Harley Quinn(Jokers Girlfriend), Poison Ivy, the Phoenix(Jean Grey), or something else.. lol I'm still not sure. I just want something cute and something my boyfriend, despite my fat poking out every where, will think I look good in. I'll have some idea pictures up sometime.

The thinspiration of the day.

He Visited Me.

Okay, so Friday afternoon my boyfriend visited me. I stayed the night with him that night and we went to see Contagion last night. So that's why I haven't been on the past two days.

While I was with him I didn't really eat all the things I normally do.. Which really means I didn't eat very healthily, but I didn't binge. Thank God. It was so hard because around anyone but him I can watch what I eat usually. When I'm with him though it seems like it's so much harder to eat healthy. I know I'm doing this for him, which makes that weird to me. Alwell..

I didn't lose as much as I'd have liked to, but I did lost a pound. I just knew when I got on the scale it'd say 150-something because of my eating around my boyfriend, but it said 147.

Oh!! I got a new wallet.. Well two new wallets. They were on a sale/deal thing. One was $9.99, but if you bought two both of them together would be $10. So I got another wallet for a penny. They are both really cute and I will put pictures of them up on my next post.

The thinspiration of the day.

Update:

I feel excessively fat. >.< I ate just finished eating lunch and I'm full. Like not satisfied, I'm full. I hate this feeling. Anyway I ate an egg, toast and coffee for breakfast(135). Then for break/snack I had Snapple green tea(120) and Nature Valley Granola bars(190). For Lunch I just had a wrap(294) and another Snapple green tea(120).. I shouldn't have eaten all that wrap, but alwell. It's done now. I'm not consuming anymore calories for the rest of the day. That leaves me with 859 calories today. Not horrible. I'll weigh in tomorrow morning and maybe I won't have gained.

And A horrible Ending.

So as you know, I got up this morning and I lost 2.2 pounds. Well I ate breakfast egg and toast with coffee(120). Well I had lunch with my best friend today and before I decided Was Going to lose weight, the mexican restaurant was our favorite place to eat. Where does she want to go? The mexican restaurant. So here I am, freaking out on the inside, desperately trying to figure out something healthy to eat. I got a vegetable quesadilla but they still covered it in oil and butter. I only ate half of it with a few chips. I looked it up and it's suppose to be like 515 calories but I did eat a few chips so I rounded up to 600 and just decided that I ate about 350 calories..
Okay so it wasn't as bad as I thought. I was crazy scared. I mean I just lost 2.2 pounds and then I had to go and almost screw it up.

So I don't feel as bad now. However, I have finally realized why people take laxatives when they are trying to lose weight! When you take in less, you.. you know… less! I used to usually once a day but now it's like every other day. So I took a laxative.

Anyway, I'll have my normal granola bar and arizona tea(330) for supper/break and I'll be finished eating until tomorrow. That will leave me with 800 calories. I'm okay with that.

I'm obsessed with thin legs and I have this fear. When I get to my goal weight.. will my legs look touch. My legs have never not touched. Yes I've gotten taller since my low weight, but I'm so scared that after all this hard work to get down to 120 that my legs will still be fat and huge. I want so desperately for my legs to be thin. More than anything really. I know I shouldn't be worrying about it because I'm a long ways off (28lbs. to be exact), but it's just still scary to me.

Anyway..

The thinspiration of the day.

P.S. I also want to thank Karolina for my very first comment! Yes digital scales are great! and thank you even more for reading. Just knowing people read all this stuff I put up here is more motivating than anything.

A Great Start.

So I got up this morning, early, because I went to be early. Well I was like "Hey. I could weigh myself just to see." Before I tell you my news I just want to tell you, those trips to the scale are getting more and more intense. Anyway, back to my story, So I took the scale (my new digital scale that I'm super proud of) to the bathroom and stepped on it… It said 148.0. My heart fluttered. I did it two more times, the same outcome. I am now no longer in the 150's. I have dropped below those dreadful numbers. I am now 148.

Anyway, I'm about to eat breakfast and get ready for my day.

Have a good day you guys! I'll post again later!

A Horrible Night and a Decent Day.

So last night instead of just eating the granola bar and yogurt, when I got to the fair I had half a thing of nachos… I walked around a lot but it still didn't make it better. I ended up only eating about 800 calories, but I could have done better.

Then I get home and I just want my boyfriend to be sweet to me. Not funny, not mean, not anything, but just sweet and nice. However, even though that's how it started, we ended up in a Huge fight. I cried and he was being mean then I was being mean and finally we just went to bed. I don't think I've ever talked to him like that. He said he was over it this morning, but I don't think I am. My feelings are hurt.

So needless to say, I didn't get up and weigh myself this morning partially because I didn't have time, but mostly because I was scared.

I thought today I was going to do horribly because I was hurt and felt like binging, but luckily I didn't have time to eat this morning. I ate a breakfast burrito(278), I had a salad(20) for lunch, and half a cheese sandwich(80) for a snack. So I'm still at 378 calories today.

I got up my nerve to weigh myself just a few minutes ago and it was okay. I've lost a little. I weigh 150.2 now. I'm Super happy about that I actually did lose instead of gaining but it's just hard to be happy about anything. I'm in kind of a weird mood.

The thinspiration of the day.

A Better Day.

So this morning started off weird. Like Great but annoying.

I woke up and went to the bathroom to weigh myself. I make sure the pointer is centered on 0 and I step on it. It stopped at 152. I tripped out!! But I just can't trust that scale. So I stepped back on it and it told me I weighed 154…. So I got so frustrated with it that I went out and bought a digital one! I'm so tired of guessing! I haven't been able to weigh myself on my new scale yet, but I think I'm going to wait until the morning. That will give me my true weight instead of just after eating weight.

This morning I had an egg(60) and a piece of toast with butter(65) and coffee(10). That was the last time I ate except for just a moment ago. I had an order of vegetable rolls(35ish) and 1 nature valley granola bar(95). Around 5 I'm going to have the other granola bar(95) and a fat free yogurt(70). I haven't really had any dairy lately so I figured it's time. After that, I'm finished with food today. That will leave me ending the day on 430 calories.

I've also started taking multivitamins again, which is always good. Oh and I'm going to start using skim milk instead of creamer in my coffee in the mornings as well, less fat and No trans fat. I've considered diet pills.. but I think when I reach my goal, I'll be so much more proud of myself if I can say I did this by myself. You know?

The thinspiration of the day.

Oh My Goodness!!! So I really was going to wait until morning to weigh myself… BUT I didn't and…. I weigh 150.8! I'm so excited! I only have 0.8 pounds until 150! I know 150.8 is still Very high but to see improvement and just know now that I could possibly be 150 tomorrow makes me so happy! I had forgotten to mention earlier too that I'm going to the fair this evening so I'll be walking around all evening long working off more fat. 

Today has been a good day.

Thing Just Keep Getting Worse.

This morning I was leaving my house and a bunch of cops and an ambulance went by. Well I got to the end of my driveway and I need to make a left hand turn. I looked to my left and the sun was in my eyes but I saw a little light gold car coming but it was way down the road. Well to my right two cars were coming by so when they were gone I started easing out of my driveway. I look to my left again and that little light gold car that was in the distance in now hitting their brakes and now since the sun isn't in my eyes I now see lights.. It's a cop with his lights on and I didn't see them because of the sun. Well I get out of the way and then there is a another cop now speeding towards the direction I'm now going. We all pull over to the side and he is pulling ME over. I get it I pulled out in front of a cop but the sun was in my eyes and I couldn't see his lights to identify that he was a cop! And on top of that there was no wreck! I don't why he had that cop pull me over but he said he didn't know if the cop I pulled out in front of was going to give me a ticket or just gripe me out. But that he just wanted him to ID me and get my number. So that was at like 8:30 this morning. It's now 2:30 and still no phone call. I'm not allowed to answer my phone during work so I don't know what I'm going to do..

Anyway, despite all that, I haven't done too bad on eating today. I had a banana for breakfast(150) with coffee(10) and for lunch I had a greek salad(450). I'll have a snack on my break but I think I'll just have the granola bars(190) today but not the arizona green tea(140). With the tea it will be 940 for the whole day and without it it will be and even 800. I mean I've decided that I don't want the tea and I should just drink water, but it really decides on my mood. 940 is decent but 800 is goodish.

I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning to see if I've lost any. Day to day fluctuation is just too much for me to handle so I try to just weigh myself every few days, instead of everyday.

Oh!! and Friday I get paid and it should be around $220. So I'll have $110 to myself because I have to pay my grandparents back for some stuff and I'm giving them half of my pay check until it's paid off(I live with them and I don't have any bills), but I'll tell that story another time.
The point of all that is that I get to by that digital scale I was wanting!! It should be around $20-$25. So that's not too bad.

You know, I was thinking today. If I didn't have this blog, I wouldn't be able to stick to my dieting. I know I don't have but maybe 1 or 2 followers, but I'm sure people come across my blog sometime. I never lie about anything on here and if someone was reading my blog and I pigged out that day, I'd be Embarrassed!! So just knowing that keeps me in line.
So thank you for whoever reads this blog and please follow me if you do because I need encouragement and motivation.

My thinspiration picture of the day.

Over Whelmed.

So this morning I got up and weighed myself.. I lost a pound! I now weight 154. I'm feeling really good about this considering how much I ate yesterday. However, that scale in there is crazy and I had to reposition the pin thing.. I'm just finished with that. Whenever my next check comes in I'm buying a new scale. A digital one that tells me my Exact weight.

Speaking of work. I go to college for 15 hours a week. My work gave me 31 hours next week. I work Friday night and All day Saturday and Sunday. Where am I suppose to fit in homework, much less my boyfriend. I got this job to help with college. How is it suppose to help with college if it's making my grades go down the drain because I don't have time for homework or to keep my relationship in tact with my boyfriend?? I'm so over whelmed. I just cried to him last night because I know I'm not going to be able to see him for at least two weeks. I miss him so much even though I just saw him yesterday. I know it's because I'm not in the best mood and I just want him to hold me. I worked 12 to 9.. Again today. Thanks boss.

Anyway, I had 139 calories for breakfast. Eggs, toast, and coffee. I had a snack that was 330 calories. Arizona green tea and nature's valley granola bars. For lunch I had to eat a veggie subway sandwich. My Grandparents bought it for me and I felt bad. It was about 500 calories. So all in all, I had about 969 calories today. Which isn't too bad I don't think.

I'm in such a weird mood. I'm excited because I've began to lose, yet I'm extremely over whelmed by school and work which is in direct correlation to me missing my boyfriend so terribly..

Alwell.. Here's some thinspo for today.

My Trip to See Him.

So yesterday around noon I went to see my boyfriend for our 1 year anniversary. I love him to death. Nothing went as planned.. like At All. But being With him is all I really cared about.

Yesterday morning about 8am all I had was about one egg(60) and like three bites of toast with sugar free jam(maybe 30) and about half of my coffee(5). So I was doing pretty good for my breakfast. I got a green tea when I got to school and drank about half of it(35) and then I didn't eat again until around 2 when I had a salad. Everything on the salad were safe foods(lettuce, tomatoes, etc.) except for the little bit of cheese on it(around 15) and the italian dressing(probably around 100, I really like dressing). After that I had an orange(45) at 8 and a little bit more green tea(60). And I had nothing else for the rest of the day except for water. That's about 350 for the whole day! I really wasn't even hungry really either! I'm so happy with that number it's unreal!

This morning I had a bit more. My boyfriend cooked so I had to eat. I had 2 eggs(140) and two pieces of toast with butter(125) with chocolate milk(150). But that's it! I know its a huge breakfast but for the rest of the day all I've had is an arizona green tea(140), nature valley granola bar(190) and a subway veggie sandwich(500)… Jeez.. that's a lot more written out. That's 1,245.. I'm finished eat for the day of course but that number is almost double yesterdays.. Alwell. I'm just drinking water for the rest of the day. 

Things will look better tomorrow.

I'm Sick.

About two days ago, my eyes and nose started running and I Thought it was just my allergies. However… It was not. I think I have a cold. Alwell.. This will mean that I won't feel like eating too much.

Yesterday was okay. I had two eggs(120) for breakfast and a cup of coffee(10). For lunch I had a vegetable quesadilla(about 500), which I shouldn't have had, with some chips and salsa(about 100) and a water to drink. I felt so disgusted with that, so I told myself I would Not eat supper. This was really easy because I had to work 4-9. But, on my break I had an Arizona Green Tea(140) and Nature Valley Granola Bars(190). Alwell.. I guess I kept my metabolism going for a little bit longer. I had about 1,100 calories yesterday. Which isn't horrible, but Definitely not as good as I wanted.

My limit is 1,200 a day, so I cut it pretty close.

This morning I had 2 eggs(120) and two pieces of toast(100) with Cranberry juice(60) because I need the vitamin C because I'm sick. =(

I weighed in today at 155 this morning, but this was after I ate breakfast.

I feel like 145 is just so far away it's unreal.. 120 is more than 3x's farther away.

I'm just going to fast today. I'll only drink Cranberry or Orange juice and water or coffee. I might make a thing of green tea with splenda. I haven't really decided.

So I went to the doctor and I have good and bad news.

The good news is that when I weighed on the scale it said I weighed 156(wait for it) I had on my shoes and socks of course and a shirt and undershirt But I also had on jeans that are way too long and too big.. Which means they are heavier.. Say all my cloths together weighed at least 2 pounds.. And.. I weigh 154! That's a whole pound! I hadn't exercised today and I'd ate breakfast! So there is the good news.

The bad news.. my fast ended about 20 minutes ago when I at some vegetable rolls from Sushi Cafe.. The stupid doctor gave me a steroid shot this morning and I specifically said I didn't want a steroid shot(steroid shots make your appetite increase) and what did she do? Asked me if I wanted a shot called "blahblah"(I can't remember the name but it was nothing close to steroid) and I was like Sure! If it will help me! Alwell.. There isn't much rice in them at all and everything else they put in them are safe foods(a small piece of carrot, lettuce, seaweed, etc.). So I feel pretty decent about it.

My last update for today. Later.

The New Me for You.

So here is a little background:

About 6 years ago I was 5’6 and about 160. I know gross. I was fat ever where you could think of and I really didn’t know it, until that summer when I met my ex. He was my best friend for a while and I was in love with him. I knew everything about him except he had never had a girlfriend since I’d known him. So I started an investigation on what kind of girls he liked. The more I seemed to know the fatter I began to feel. All these girls he had told me he thought were beautiful, were super skinny. They could be anywhere from a size 00 in jeans to a size 3, they were Never any bigger than that though. I finally realized I was overweight and I needed to slim down and fast before he started dating some other girl who was rail thin. 

I joined the basketball team.  We ran a mile everyday and if we didn’t run it in under 10 minutes, we had to immediately run 10 killer sprints. Killer sprints are where you have volleyball and basketball lines on the court and you have to touch every line. But every time you touch a line, you run back to the base line then come back to touch the next line and so on and so forth. So needless to say, I was getting lots of exercise in the beginning.

I also quit eating as much. Part of this wasn’t really planned but I dropped weight like crazy. I would eat a small bowl of Shredded Mini Wheats in the morning, have a pack of crackers for lunch, then eat a small portion of whatever we had for supper that night.

I dropped from 160 to 112/115 in 3 months. Yeah. 45ish pounds. 3 months.

Crazy? Yes. Lasting? No. I was up to 128 the next year because I quit exercising. By the next year 150. Although, I had grown in height a bit and I was then 5’7.5 that was still an excessive and disgusting amount of weight to put on.

So I became a vegetarian. I dropped weight again, but now Near as much. I went from 150 to 130/125. However, as my eyes opened to how much there is in the word that a vegetarian can eat I gradually came back to my 150. I’ve been at this weight for about a year and a half now.

My body fluctuates from between 150 and 155 and I’m Sick and Tired and Disgusted with my body! I have a new boyfriend now and for some reason or another he loves me and our 1-year anniversary is coming up. He is usually in to petite girls but like I said for some reason or another he likes my body. However, I know he would like it more if I were smaller, even though he won’t admit to it. So I’m going to show him he will!

I have set goals, and here they are.

Goal 1:             145 by 10-12-2011

Goal 2:             135 by 11-16-2011

Goal 3:              125 by 12-21-2011

Last Goal:         120 by 01-14-2011

By January I will have a beautiful, thin body.