My internet was out for a while and in that while I spiraled out of control. So when the internet came back, I was too ashamed to get back on here and admit my shame. Since then I've been eating normally. Not restricting, not healthy yet not unhealthy. I can't deal with this anymore though. I have to keep losing and I need you guys to help me.
I hadn't weighed myself since my last post, but recently I've scored a throat infection! Yay me! This thing sucks. It even hurts to talk. Well I went to the doctor Tuesday. I was anxious the whole time. The first thing they do after they call your name is take you to this huge absolutely precise scale and weigh you. Well, they called my name and I stepped on the scale. I had eaten that morning, I had a cup of hot chocolate milk and some oats. I had all my clothes on. I was terrified. I was expecting 150 again. I was going to be crushed, but maybe that what I needed. Maybe I needed an extra shove. The woman see's in the charts that the last time I was there I weighed 156lbs. so as I'm stepping on she already moving it to 150 to find out where exactly in that 150 range I was. However 150 was too much, she had to bring it back down to the 40's. Instant relief rushed over me, but it still wasn't over. 149 isn't any better than 150. She slowly start moving it down the scale 149, 148, 147, 146. It starts stabilizing but it's not there yet. She stops at 144. 144. After eating, with clothes on it's at 144. Not good, but not near as bad as I'd thought.
I was still too ashamed to face you. I said I'd lose it in a week and come back. I needed to know my real weight though. I needed to know my weight without clothes. So I convinced myself weigh in this afternoon. I've eaten a big bowl of whole grain multibran flax cereal, coffee, and a can of soup. I weighed in at 140.8. That's .6lbs more than my last weigh in.
This whole time that I've been too ashamed to face you guys. I've been close to the same weight as I was.
Anyway, I'm back. The other parts of my life are going great. I have A's in college, I'm getting along with my family, and my boyfriend and I are doing amazingly.
Some well over due thinspo.
2 comments:
Welcome back darling :) I was wondering what happened to you! There are so many times when I'm doing badly and I don't want to post on blogger, I wanna wallow in my bad habits.
But you didn't do so badly while you were away. And you managed to pretty much stay at same weight :)
Lots of love
It's so good to see you back. If you're eating healthy then there is really nothing to be ashamed of. Hope to hear from you soon.
xx
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